Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
