Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
