The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
