This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sponge bath it is.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
