Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
