Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
