Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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