I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
