I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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