arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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