I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
