oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what day is it and did you see me today?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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