I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
