I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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