A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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