i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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