My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
