There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
