i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
