It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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