first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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