Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
