:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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