cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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