my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
