redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
