I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
