she was so not down for the gang bang
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
