he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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