jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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