I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
