dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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