There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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