we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
