just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
