i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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