Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
