Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
