When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
