Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
