fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
