This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
