mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
