I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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