i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
