we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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