I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
