My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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