Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What happened to fro yo and sex?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
