This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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