doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have aggressive nipples.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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