I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
