A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
