I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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