it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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