Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
