Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?