you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?