Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready