Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just pynch a tree in the face
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!