just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
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i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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