thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay