Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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