I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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