vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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