Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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