We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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