so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
