i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
pop tarts are not kleenex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
